Wednesday, February 27, 2013

3 of a Kind

On Monday we went for our 19 week ultrasound to find out if Baby #3 is a boy or girl.   I have never been the type to say in a sweet, blissful voice "I don't care either way."  I am sorry but I hate when people say that.  You always have preference, even if it is a very slight one.

With Claire I was so sure she was a boy that the thought of her being a girl never crossed my mind.  We laugh now when we remember my phone call to my mom, sobbing uncontrollably, "It's a girl!"  I cried for 2 days over the fact that we weren't having a boy first,  I wanted a girl no doubt, just not first.

With Joy we didn't find out her gender until she was born and after what happened with Will I was just so happy to have a live baby it didn't matter and was thrilled to give her a meaningful name for that season of our lives. I also was glad she was a girl because I felt it would have been flippant if she was a boy like "Oh well, one died but this one replaces him"

With Baby #3 we took the process of gender swaying very seriously.  We put every trick in the book together to "sway" the probability of getting a boy.  (God helps those who help themselves right?) Like all the others, I got pregnant the first try and we anxiously sat back to see the results.  I prepared myself for the possibility of another girl but the the finality of the ultrasound was disappointing.  No more hoping or speculating, this was it.  A girl -  Another girl.  When Claire asked what it was during the U/S I told her and she and I held back tears as she said "But I wanted a boy baby!"

For some reason it makes the pain of losing Will resurface.  Will we ever get our boy?  Of course Josh assures me he is just as happy with little girls and we take comfort in the fact that we did all we could on our end, this is obviously what God has in store for us.  We also laugh because now there is no question that we will try for a 4th (and possibly 5th).  Maybe we just can't have boys, maybe they are unhealthy or something.  Maybe the baby that I miscarried at 6 weeks was a boy too?  If that's the case then I am perfectly fine with all healthy and live girls.  I always pray that we will never know the pain of losing another child.  Maybe this is God's way of answering that prayer? If so then I am grateful.

So at any rate, our house is only going to get pinker and frillier for the next couple of years. We don't have to buy anything for this new baby - especially since it will be born the same time of year as Claire and Joy so all of their clothes will fit her.  I am growing more accustomed to the idea of 3 girls and am getting more excited everyday.  We love Baby#3 very much and we hope and pray she arrives alive and healthy.

1 comment:

  1. I appreciate your honesty, Kathleen. My mom wanted a boy every time and out of 6 kids only got 1! Now that we are all grown, I can't tell you how many times she has said how thankful she is for 5 daughters! She loves her son more than words can tell, but we sure have a lot of fun as Mom and sisters! And my Dad ADORES his girls! And my bro is pretty special since he's the only boy! I'm praying for another beautiful healthy baby girl for you! Hugs!