Wednesday, February 27, 2013
3 of a Kind
On Monday we went for our 19 week ultrasound to find out if Baby #3 is a boy or girl. I have never been the type to say in a sweet, blissful voice "I don't care either way." I am sorry but I hate when people say that. You always have preference, even if it is a very slight one.
With Joy we didn't find out her gender until she was born and after what happened with Will I was just so happy to have a live baby it didn't matter and was thrilled to give her a meaningful name for that season of our lives. I also was glad she was a girl because I felt it would have been flippant if she was a boy like "Oh well, one died but this one replaces him"
With Baby #3 we took the process of gender swaying very seriously. We put every trick in the book together to "sway" the probability of getting a boy. (God helps those who help themselves right?) Like all the others, I got pregnant the first try and we anxiously sat back to see the results. I prepared myself for the possibility of another girl but the the finality of the ultrasound was disappointing. No more hoping or speculating, this was it. A girl - Another girl. When Claire asked what it was during the U/S I told her and she and I held back tears as she said "But I wanted a boy baby!"
For some reason it makes the pain of losing Will resurface. Will we ever get our boy? Of course Josh assures me he is just as happy with little girls and we take comfort in the fact that we did all we could on our end, this is obviously what God has in store for us. We also laugh because now there is no question that we will try for a 4th (and possibly 5th). Maybe we just can't have boys, maybe they are unhealthy or something. Maybe the baby that I miscarried at 6 weeks was a boy too? If that's the case then I am perfectly fine with all healthy and live girls. I always pray that we will never know the pain of losing another child. Maybe this is God's way of answering that prayer? If so then I am grateful.