I am now 34 and a half weeks!
I've got to be honest here, I am so done. I feel like a big wimp for saying that but seriously, I think my body is just throwing in the towel.
My leg is looking very attractive these days. I feel like I have to wear my compression hose just to cover it up!These pictures actually make it look better than it really is.A few weeks ago I was regularly feeling terrible, just run-down and unable to do anything or stand up for more than a few minutes without feeling like I was going to throw up or faint. My doctor put me on some iron (story of my life) and it has helped but not as much as I had hoped.
I also can't gain weight. My heaviest weight this pregnancy was 128. Two weeks ago I was down to 125 despite eating avocados and other "healthy" fats regularly. Last week, I totally binged on any and every "unhealthy" fat and got back up to 127. The doctors don't seem concerned at all and Peanut is growing just fine so I guess I shouldn't worry about it and enjoy food freedom for the first time in my life.
A couple of days ago I started having a weird pain in my inner thigh halfway up my leg. I normally would say "Hmm, I wonder why my leg feels weird - oh well." But in my current state I immediately became afraid that it could be a blood clot - what if the heparin is not working? I got an appt with my doctor and they could not rule out the possibility of it being a clot so they sent me to the hospital to have an ultrasound on my leg. 5 hours later, I was finally released, thankfully it was not a blood clot but the pain could not be explained. Better safe than sorry, but what a hassle!
Peanut has been a great baby as far as positioning goes. She/he is always head down and extremely low so I have very minimal rib/breathing pain. I do, however, have to go to the bathroom about every 10 minutes.
Since 32 weeks I have had to have a biophysical profile (timed ultrasound where the baby is scored on movements), 2 non-stress tests, and a regular appt every week. This equates to doctor visits 3 times a week. I would not mind so much if I didn't have to wait for a minimum of 45 minutes before each appt.
This week (Friday) I am meeting with "the doctor" who is going to make the decision of when to induce me. All I want is to have an amnio at 36 weeks to see if the lungs are fully developed. If they are, I want to be induced right then. If not, then fine, check again in a couple days. I don't feel like this is asking for too much. I have heard positive things about this doctor being very nice and having a "big heart".
Please pray that I can convince him to at least try at 36. Please also pray that Peanut's lungs are developed fully at 36. (if you would like to pray that I go into preterm labor, that would be appreciated as well) Some people think I am crazy for obsessing over a one week time frame as I will for sure be induced by 37. But Will died the night before he turned 37 weeks. That one week could make the difference between going home with a baby and going home with a box of "keepsakes".
The argument I hear constantly is that "the best place for the baby is inside you, babies do much better the longer they are in and if we induce you too early it might have to stay in the hospital for a while" My response is "Do you even know who you are talking to!? My baby DIED inside of me! I'd rather be in the hospital with a baby for a week.. or even a month, than have another dead baby!"
Can you tell my nerves are ready to throw in the towel as well?
I just realized a few days ago that poor Claire is probably not able to remember having a mommy that is not pregnant! I got pregnant originally when she was 18 months! She's going to be surprised (if this baby actually comes out alive) that her mommy can run and do fun things with out saying "I can't do that with you, because I have a baby in my tummy" or "Don't smash Peanut!" every time she sits with me.
In other pregnancy related news, we have been getting a lot of things done around the house, the floor is finished, which I will reveal here shortly and many little things are getting done in anticipation of Peanuts arrival. I have not, however, brought myself to bring out any baby items or even get out the baby clothes for the hospital. I think that will wait til I wake up the morning I am to be induced and I can still feel kicking.
So we wait anxiously for Friday to find out what our fate will be......